Taking a Pass on a BJ

I have the opportunity, on my drive home, to stop and get a pretty good blow job from a guy. It's not going to take anytime, it's literally on the drive right to the house, just pull off the road, go to the room of the motel, get the blow job, clean up and back in the car and on to the house. But for some reason, I don't want to do it, and I'm not sure why. So some is dispersing free blow jobs, with no strings attached, there will be no impact on my life or schedule. I'll have a load of cum deposited on the guys tongue, and he loves that, but for some reason I don't want to it.

I think this is getting into a lot of other issues that I'm learning about myself and my sexuality. Part of which is not necessarily the sexual climax of getting with another guy, but just being myself around another guy where we may be naked, we may be touching, we may be sexual, but it's not sexual with one another.

The above image, if it was on a porn shoot, the guy leaning back on the lane divider would shortly be having his mouth, and or ass filled with a guys cock. The sex would masculine, aggressive, sexual, and something that I'd probably jack off to if I came across it online. What the image shows is two guys, maybe teammates, after practice being half naked with one another and nothing sexual in nature being on the table.

What if life were such that touching another guys naked body was nothing unusual? What if seeing another guys erect cock, and him stroking it evoked the same reaction in people as talking on a cell phone. What if grabbing your friends cock and doing what you wanted with it for a few minutes was no different that giving him a hug.

Is it just me? Am I not as gay as some would think, if they only knew what I had done with other guys? Have I reached a point where my curiosity of my bi side has been reached and I'm okay? Is this a choice that I'm making?

On another note, the last time I had my cock hard and in his face, I fucked the shit out of his throat. There was another guy in the room watching the whole thing, jacking off most of the time. Also my other buddy was over there earlier, and I was mentioned, so it might be performance issues that I'm having. I can image a room filled with guys, just waiting for me to show up and give this guy a repeat performance, and maybe my cock is a bit shy right now.

Wouldn't it be nice to live in a world where the word gay was not a derogatory word used in hate by a christian, where jacking off another guy was just a more friendly version of a hand shake, where there were no sexual categories to be defined or locked into, where being human meant that you had sexual organs that at times secreted fluids, and you just didn't let cum get on other people furniture.

This has all been written pretty hastily, so forgive any errors, but no BJ tonight for me.