When I first started to look at the male nude form, at a young age with the underwear section of the catalogs, somewhere inside I never thought that I wanted to fuck or be fucked by these guys, but more, in a sense, be like these guys. It might have been a delusion on my part to cover up my homosexual desires, but now that I have actually participated in homosexual activities, I still have the same feeling. So maybe it's more of a narcissistic feeling where if I had a twin that looked just like me, we would have been sexually active with one another from our first hard-on's. Maybe it something about the looking of being self confident and proud that I pick up in a picture like this, I'm not sure. One thing that I am sure of is that, all of this stuff that I am doing with guys isn't necessarily just about getting off, but about something more. I don't think our society has a title or a niche for what I am, but now I don't feel that it's so odd, or rare in other guys.
I agree with you as a teenage, I look at the catalogs and wondered want was in those underwear or swin trunks. I think the draw to another man sexual for some of us, the like the brother hood of man, enjoy and sharing our bodies. so of it's power exchange. So tribal culture drink other men's come to share their stronger spirit if the donater was revered or respected warrior.
ReplyDeleteI think that feeling is kind of universal for males, really. I think straight boys admire and wish they were like atractive/muscular/athletic/popular/whatever other boys; I think it's kind of a standard male thing to appraise yourself critically in relation to other males; it's part of our inheritance from the apes. Even straight guys will be pretty starry-eyed at a guy with huge arms, or, for that matter, a huge dick or someone who ejaculates like crazy in straight porn like Peter North (I can't tell you how many straight guys I know who are all "He is the man"). The added ingredient if you're gay is that erotic longing-- it's so incredibly intense when you're young and have not quite yet learned what gay sex even means. I also still feel it as an adult just like you say you do, on very rare occasions. It's a kind of primitive hero worship, echoes back to feeling young and powerless. I think everyone puts their own spin on it, but this seems to be the universally common ingredient of that dynamic, and it makes sense to me this way.
ReplyDeleteI completely get what you're saying.
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