My first post

Just to make sure that this is working.

I'm a married guy, early forties in age, and yes just like I was five and a half five months after my fifth birthday, I'm going with earlier forties. This is about me coming to gripes with the bi/gay side of myself, or maybe putting it down, always decisions, and sometimes the cock overrules the brain. I want a space where I can put all this out there, maybe get some feedback and see if I really live in an isolated little world, or are there others in the same boat.
My first gay experience was out of high school, even though I went to an all boys high school, nothing even remotely happened there. I college, during a winter break I went to an adult bookstore, with the booths that have the holes in the walls, I didn't know what they were for till I saw the head of cock poking through one of them. At the time it felt the same as if I was seeing a rat crawl along the wall. I recovered quickly, said no, but stuck my cock through the hole in the wall, and it was like my cock had go to paradise and was sending me an overflow of glad tidings to my brain for have gone there. A few nights later I went back, and actually shared a room with an older guy who sucked my cock, and I decided that I wanted to try it. I quickly realized that I didn't like it, and then the guy came only after a few seconds and I was stuck with his cum in my mouth. Not wanting to mess up the floor, I now know I should have, and being my first time, I swallowed. That was the last time that I had a cock anywhere near my mouth.
Life went on with porn magazines, straight and gay, mainly gay, and then came the internet. This opened up a whole world of possibilities, yet I still stayed with my static gay porn and liked that it was now up to day and greatly varied.Then I discovered xvideos, and now I have videos to masturbate to, the A4A. On A4A I created a user name and tested the water to see what was out there. Then everything change over the week of thanksgiving 2010 when I posted a picture and people started to responding, now I have opportunities that I never knew existed before, and what I want to put here to see if there is any feedback and advice for someone that is interested in testing the bi/gay waters, but has never learned how to swim.