Why am I Doing This - 002

Not getting any younger.

I messed around with one guy in college, just some harmless, naked in the bed, him playing with my cock, me wondering why his cock was so different from mine kind of thing. He asked if I would I would fuck him, and I asked if he had a condom. I asked for the condom because I didn't know anything about the butt, other than it was where poo came from, and I didn't want shit all over my cock. It was a one time thing, he has since gone on to bigger and better gay things, and we keep in touch still to this day, That night was never discussed between us ever again, as there was also the awkward feeling between us for a while that stopped us from talking to one another for about a year.

Cut to right now, and I'm a different person than I was then. Getting to mid-life or beyond mid-life puts a different perspective on things, and what I once wouldn't do for some stupid reason, I don't have a problem with now. I think that everyone have to come to some realization on this matter at some point in their lives, or the guilt is going to keep them from ever exploring their curiosities when it comes to sex and another man.

Back to not getting any younger, I've been viewing bi and gay for for a few years, and realized that if I were to wait, I'd be some old ass troll that no one would give the time of day to (not to demean older guys, but sometimes I can be pretty stupid when it comes to things.) So last summer I just went for it, met a guy on CL when to house he had, and we showed each our our cocks, didn't touch, or do anything more. On a side note that is when I realized the by internet standards, I have about a 12" penis, cause it that guy had a 7" cock, then my measurement had to be off by a few inches. That first encounter happened in July, and it was December before a second encounter with another guy happened.

There are times, recently, that I wonder if I'm acting like a slut when it comes to getting with guys, and to me that means that I've met and let another guy suck my cock more than three times in a month. I keep telling myself that I have not regrets, but I guess that really remains to be seen. I'm enjoying what I'm doing, and maybe there are other guys that are more cautious than me, cause there are things I've read that other married guys do that I would never consider doing, but I'm walking a line that I hope is not to thin and doesn't come to an abrupt end in the near future.